I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with two different species that night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
