It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
