they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
