from now on my penis is your penis
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
