for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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