I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
