What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
