He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
