Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
