lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
