More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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