I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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