She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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