I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
