Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
