i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
