I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
