Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
