I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
