Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
