Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
