I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
