If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
