Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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