I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
