Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
