Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
