Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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