I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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