Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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