Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
