I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
