Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
