Kiss
Puke
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
