My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's shark week go big or go home
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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