I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
