can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
