i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
