11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
