just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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