I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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