So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
