So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You ate ashes out of my bong
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
