you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
