I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
