This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
