I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!