Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship