i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.