Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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