Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Then you guys just all showered together...?