I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?