He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize