I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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