Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
