so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
