i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
