So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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