loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
