Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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