Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
