Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
