Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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