dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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