From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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