i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
