just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I enjoy the company of your penis
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