He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
