will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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