Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
as a side note pls kill me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
