If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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