You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
