Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
