Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
