My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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