do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
