I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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