So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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