whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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