burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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