don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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