WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
