she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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