Your favorite bartender is back from prision
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
