Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
