ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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