going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
