You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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